FROM HERE

It's a beautiful day, the sun is shining, and we've all got our whole lives ahead of us. So it's kind of a perfect day to reflect on the good things in life and where I am now, so that I can get a better handle on where I want to be in the future.

Living at home with elderly parents in a small town with little opportunity and no international events is terrible for me. I become complacent and unmotivated very easily when this is the time in my life that I ought to be cavorting about in big cities, jet-setting across the world, and attending networking and cultural events at museums, art shows, and theaters due to my chosen field. (...Which just sounds exhausting! An unrealistic expectation, I think, that I'll attribute to needing a complete change in life.) But in any case, I have no idea where to start! So I need to focus on the here and now to get anywhere later.

HERE AND NOW

I am holding several part-time jobs at the moment while I figure out what it is that I truly wish to devote my time and energy into, career-wise. I provide customer service in retail, substitute teach on occassion in my community, and online-tutor Japanese students of all ages in English. Through these jobs I can enjoy the feeling of helping others directly, feeling productive and useful, and successfully sharing ideas - which are all very important to me. They also provide me with much-desired schedule flexibility.

I am a completely unattached free spirit with nothing but myriad options in front of me. I'm interesting, fun, and friendly, and have a uniquely abstract way of thinking. There is nothing to hold me back from anything, except myself!!!

This is where I am now, and this is where I need to start from. The possibilities are practically endless! It's really daunting and easy to get distracted and overwhelmed, especially since I am an extremely anxious person. But for now, let's call it a day. After all, things have to be taken one step at a time...

...One step at a time. :-)

START

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life."

It's been just over one year since I've returned to the U.S. from teaching English in Japan as an assistant language teacher. I returned on high spirits, ecstatic at the experience I gained but ready for a change. I was certain that I needed a new lifestyle and career, one that allowed me to follow my strengths and desires more fully.

...And a year later, I still am. Motivation is difficult to come by, and diving into something new is frightening. Old insecurities plague and undermine all my hard-won confidence and success. It's happened before, and it's happening again. I refuse to allow this negative thinking to paralyze my life anymore!

So, with that said, this blog will showcase my daily struggle to be positive and move out into the world. A place to write down my absent thoughts, lament on my failures, and promote my successes can only help me answer to myself and figure out how to get out of the rut I've trapped myself in. One of my biggest problems is that I am so indecisive and unsure of what my strengths and desires actually are! It makes chosing my next move near-impossible. So this lovely little corner of the internet shall be privy to my ramblings and self-therapy. You have been warned, ha ha!

To mark the beginning of a new chapter to my book of life, I'll share the following inspirational picture from the facebook Inspiration page:

"You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream..." - C.S. Lewis

For any possible readers out there: Do you struggle with the same issues? How do you work through self-defeating thoughts and keep a positive outlook when things get dreary? I'd be interested in your input. :-)

Until next time!