NEW OBSTACLES

I had a feeling this would be a very bad year for me - besides my sense that the number 13 is ominous, it started with a kiss stolen from me at countdown that I was very unhappy with and caused a lot of drama and a loss of a friend. I kind of knew it'd be a difficult year from then on.

I dislike being proven right.

My idealistic and naive plans have come to a shuttering halt as I juggle a couple of obstacles that have been thrown in my way, all at once. Progress is slowed due to my phone that doesn't work (has been wonky for a while), my car stuck in the shop (sliding accident from the snow) for another 2 and a half weeks, and the fact that shortly thereafter it was suddenly decided I should be disowned and kicked out of my house for being a failure at life. It's quite disheartening!

Well! Let's add all that to the fact that I am still job searching and don't really have the income to take care of these things, and it's quite the year for me so far! But these obstacles won't be too difficult to overcome: it's my mentality about it all that's the REAL problem. This is a strength test for a very weak person.

Wish me luck in staying positive, and all the best to everyone else out there facing all sorts of difficulties: They make us who we are!

~ Peace.

A NEW YEAR

Another year gone by, and it's high-time for a change and a set of reachable goals! I have decided that this year will be a year of big changes. My goals are to prioritize, organize, and manage my time better. This is a constant struggle for my random, abstract mind! I have to constantly remind myself and check what requirement of me is most urgent, because I confuse the priorities all the time! Every month I will endeavor to post positively about accomplishments achieved, rather than focus on the anxious feeling of being stuck and getting no where.

By the end of this month I will cut my unnecessary expenditures by 50% I have decided. This mainly includes entertainment, restaurant, and gym membership fees. I have already started cooking more and lowered my phone plan as much as possible for this month. Budgeting is a very big goal for me now that I make considerably less but my lifestyle hasn't changed. Another career venture is in the near future. I have been looking, but maybe not at the right positions or in the right places. I definitely need a new career! But for now, I'll focus on month-by-month goals. January: Budgeting and Beginning.

Here's to new beginnings and a very happy and prosperous 2013!

FROM HERE

It's a beautiful day, the sun is shining, and we've all got our whole lives ahead of us. So it's kind of a perfect day to reflect on the good things in life and where I am now, so that I can get a better handle on where I want to be in the future.

Living at home with elderly parents in a small town with little opportunity and no international events is terrible for me. I become complacent and unmotivated very easily when this is the time in my life that I ought to be cavorting about in big cities, jet-setting across the world, and attending networking and cultural events at museums, art shows, and theaters due to my chosen field. (...Which just sounds exhausting! An unrealistic expectation, I think, that I'll attribute to needing a complete change in life.) But in any case, I have no idea where to start! So I need to focus on the here and now to get anywhere later.

HERE AND NOW

I am holding several part-time jobs at the moment while I figure out what it is that I truly wish to devote my time and energy into, career-wise. I provide customer service in retail, substitute teach on occassion in my community, and online-tutor Japanese students of all ages in English. Through these jobs I can enjoy the feeling of helping others directly, feeling productive and useful, and successfully sharing ideas - which are all very important to me. They also provide me with much-desired schedule flexibility.

I am a completely unattached free spirit with nothing but myriad options in front of me. I'm interesting, fun, and friendly, and have a uniquely abstract way of thinking. There is nothing to hold me back from anything, except myself!!!

This is where I am now, and this is where I need to start from. The possibilities are practically endless! It's really daunting and easy to get distracted and overwhelmed, especially since I am an extremely anxious person. But for now, let's call it a day. After all, things have to be taken one step at a time...

...One step at a time. :-)

START

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life."

It's been just over one year since I've returned to the U.S. from teaching English in Japan as an assistant language teacher. I returned on high spirits, ecstatic at the experience I gained but ready for a change. I was certain that I needed a new lifestyle and career, one that allowed me to follow my strengths and desires more fully.

...And a year later, I still am. Motivation is difficult to come by, and diving into something new is frightening. Old insecurities plague and undermine all my hard-won confidence and success. It's happened before, and it's happening again. I refuse to allow this negative thinking to paralyze my life anymore!

So, with that said, this blog will showcase my daily struggle to be positive and move out into the world. A place to write down my absent thoughts, lament on my failures, and promote my successes can only help me answer to myself and figure out how to get out of the rut I've trapped myself in. One of my biggest problems is that I am so indecisive and unsure of what my strengths and desires actually are! It makes chosing my next move near-impossible. So this lovely little corner of the internet shall be privy to my ramblings and self-therapy. You have been warned, ha ha!

To mark the beginning of a new chapter to my book of life, I'll share the following inspirational picture from the facebook Inspiration page:

"You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream..." - C.S. Lewis

For any possible readers out there: Do you struggle with the same issues? How do you work through self-defeating thoughts and keep a positive outlook when things get dreary? I'd be interested in your input. :-)

Until next time!